Hey Dude..you're going back to school

Do you just love it when someone asks you what your goal is? Well, I don't. I don't have goals - at least not in the classic sense. Having goals requires focus. My focus is myopic. My goal is usually to get through the day alive and content. But long term life goals...nope. This accounts, in part, for why I bounce all over the place. It may explain why I bore easily. Why I've married three times. Why I am always redecorating some room in my house. I don't know what I want and oddly I'm okay with that. I like to think of it (or justify it)as "living in the moment". After all everyone from Ekhardt Tolle to Deepak Chopra and even Oprah (unintentional rhyming) urges us to live in the moment. (Of course they also tell us to have a dream, make a vision board and imagine ourselves having already achieved the dream...but more about that some other day)

If I'm honest with myself (and I've been accused of being brutally honest) I think I avoid goals and dreams because they may not happen. If they don't happen I'll be bummed. And then my self-esteem will plummet. And then I'll have to explain why I failed. Sigh. That is what has always happened. I accept it.

In early 2003 I was growing weary of my post-corporate life in odd jobs. Clearly I did not have the personality (although I do have a great personality) to suffer fools well, I am not a patient woman. I am a middle-aged action figure who cannot understand how people stay stuck in their misery forever. If things aren't working, if you can't accept things as they are then MOVE ON. Where would this philosophy serve me best? AHA! I would become a therapist.

I had toyed with this idea years before. After all, I'd been in therapy more than I hadn't. My son was in therapy repeatedly. I knew the system. I knew where I would fit. I just had to do the work to get there. What was stopping me? Two things: Money and the GRE (that's the Graduate record Exam...like the SAT or the ACT but worse).

I had a fifty/fifty chance that I might be able to convince my husband to fund yet another career. I assembled my case. This was a great career, I reasoned, I could do it forever. It would help support us when we retired, etc. He bit (I think he was convinced by that retirement piece, he's a very practical man) One down.

The GRE would be a bigger challenge. I was never a good student. I was always distracted and unfocused. I ordered a transcript from my College. My grades were dismal. Here was that "permanent record" I'd always been warned about. It really existed!!!What to do? I would never pass a GRE. I am a poor test taker. I have minimal left brain function and therefore no mathematical or logic abilities. BUT in the great world of education there was an answer to my prayer. I found a University that did not require the GRE for its Professional Counseling Program! Whoopee! They gave me "credit" for my successful career, overlooked my embarassing college grades and accepted me "conditionally". I WAS IN! (In retrospect, I know that for a non-traditional student paying with cash - they would have accepted a serial killer)

I used to hate school. As an undergraduate I skipped more classes than I attended. I did a lot of "special projects" to pass. I charmed my way through as best I could. (I doubted that my instructors/professors would find me charming at this phase in my life) How was this going to work? I hadn't been in school for a trillion years. But,you know what - it worked great! Maybe it's being older, maybe it's because I wanted to be there..who knows. I maintained a 4.0 for three years. No problem. Well at least not in the grade part.

Hear me. Listen up. The schools aren't going to be totally honest with you about your chosen new profession. They need you. You must know what you are getting into. I thought I did. My best friend was a therapist. I had my own therapist. I'd read the State requirements. I knew I would need 900 internship hours during school and 3000 practice hours after graduation to get my license. It would take a while but I would get there. Or would I?

(You see where this is heading don't you?)

Somewhere early in my final year one of my professors spilled the beans. Most of us were already well into our internships and looking forward to the first 'real job". We were unprepared for what we were about to hear. "How many of you are aware, "he asked ever so casually, "that actually getting your 3000 hours will be next to impossible?" (Huh? What did he say? )He continued, "Used to be easy to get the hours. You could always get hired by a clinic and take care of the Title 19 clients. But everything has changed. Title 19 will no longer pay for an unlicensed therapist...even if you have your training license. They will only reimburse for fully licensed professionals. I'm sure you already know that no insurance company will reimburse for your time either. It's going to be tough. Just thought you should know."

Well, this was a real ball-buster. I knew the market was tough - I just hadn't known why. According to an unnamed woman at the State Department of Regulation and Licensing, a whole bunch of changes had come down during the time I was in school. These changes favored Social Workers (they have an amazing lobby) and pretty much locked-out Professional Counselors. Our only hope for ever achieving licensure was to find clinics that did a lot of grant work - primarily with Drug & Alcohol (which required additional education, testing and practice).

FORTUNATELY (I occasionally have good fortune) I had already received my basic Drug & Alcohol credentials - at least enough to get me through my internship and to the 3000 hours...but not enough to get that license. I would have to take more classes, post post graduate in order to be even a Substance Abuse Counselor. I did not want to be a substance abuse counselor. I wanted to work with neurotic middle aged women. Not drunks and druggies. My son had drug issues and I didn't need any more experience in that field.

So $24,000 later, degree in hand (I skipped going to my graduation in the off chance that I might shoot my advisor) I left my graduate school days behind and walked directionless into the future. What would it hold? Would I be lucky? Would I catch a break? Would I ever get a license? Would the Democrats ever regain power (sorry)? And what had I learned?

This is what I learned: Going back to school midlife is a kick. You aren't the same person you were at 18. You can do. You will make amazing friends of all ages. You will feel young and full of potential. But make sure you know everything you need to know about the field you've chosen. I mean everything. And grill your advisor...he or she has some responsibility to keep up to date on any changes in regulation or licensing that may affect you. Good luck - you may need it.