Stalking the Hair on My Chinny Chin Chin

I am often reminded of fairy tale illustrations in which the old crone, or witch, or mean old lady is drawn sporting a large facial mole out of which grows a butt ugly hair. I am reminded of this when I look in the mirror. Fortunately I do not have the mole - but the hair- oh yea. What's up with this?

My life has become a continual quest to remove stray facial hair. I am so obsessed with eradicating the enemy that I own 7 tweezers and keep them in strategic locations. One in each bathroom. One in my car. My purse. My husband's car. And in the family room in a whatnot box. Like chocolate, a woman can never have enough tweezers.

I scan for stubble multiple times each day, running my finger slowly over my chin. I hate stubble. And when I find one or two protrusions trying to sneak out, I start picking at them. Pick pick pick. Hear this ladies, fingernails are not a good substitute for tweezers. Trying to pluck with fingernails increases stress levels - and leave red marks. If I ever have a stroke it won't be from high blood pressure, it will be from the stress of plucking chin hairs with my fingers.

When this madness began, the hairs were dark. That made them easy to spot, but no less disgusting. Over the years, however, they have changed. Most are thicker and white. WHITE!!! Like Santa Claus, but inexcusable. White chin hair is harder to yank and, considering that my eyesight is sort of mucked up, harder to see. (This is where that hourly sweep of the finger comes in handy.) Sometimes, when I think I've ripped them all out for the day, I find another one or two when I turn sideways, in bright light, and happen to glance in the mirror.(Yes it sounds like a contortion but it isn't...) If I let these little white guys go for too long, my profile in the sun would resemble a Chia Pet in it's first few transformative days.

I have considered laser hair removal (if I did this I would also do my "moustache"). But there are downsides. It's expensive. It is uncomfortable. And, the worst part, you have to let the hairs grow a bit before they can be removed. This is not an option. Unless I convert quickly to radical Islam and wear a Birka, I am NOT leaving my house with chin (or lip) hair. This leaves plucking and waxing as my only options.

I have a waxer...a professional one, because, after all, I am (among other things) a licensed Esthetician. It is hard to wax yourself, but I have develped ways that mostly work. They work on facial hair over the lip, under the brow and that downy crap that grows on our cheeks. Waxing does not work so well on pesky, white, Santa stubble. Most often I have to resort to the tweezer. My friend the tweezer.

I suppose it could be worse..and maybe someday it will be. I know I am not alone. I pluck and tweeze my friends' facial hair with some regularity. I believe this hormonally driven injustice is one of the many ways we are set apart from our younger, premenopausal sisters. They focus on their brows while they TWEET; we focus on our chins while we TWEEZE. Do you think Meryl Streep tweezes while she TWEETS?