Pray the Gray Away

I don't pray...but I'd start if someone would tell me that prayer would help me find an alternative to letting my hair go "natural". Hell, not only would I pray, I'd take a vow of celebacy and give up chocolate. (Are you listening Mr. God?)

I have always prided myself on being pretty "together". Armed with a relatively decent amount of self-confidence, I am not slave to fashion unless I want to be. Appearance is not my major focus. Don't get me wrong - it's a focus - but not one that my life revolves around. Whatever I look like I am still me underneath, right?

Scratch that. Living with the knowledge that I can no longer dye my hair - and that there do not seem to be any remedies for this problem - I am totally and utterly traumatized. Who knew?

Transitioning from a healthy, shiny full head of brown hair to Granny Gray was not in my plan. Over time, I assumed, I would lighten the color a bit and would probably never get a streak of bright purple placed anywhere on my head. I was willing to make those concessions. But gray? Nope...not a chance. But a funny thing happens when you sit back and watch your body rebelling against hair dye. The bumps, rashes, lesions, itch (oh, the itching!!!) discomfort and pain are hard to wrap your head around. I managed to ignore my worsening reaction to dye for many months. But the part of me that like to research issues has determined that dyeing is not worth dying for. These allergies can kill.

I have not gone gently into this reality. I have been fighting back - and losing. There are 2 products that left to try. Products that don't contain p-phenelenediamine (ppd) or toulene or any of their equally deadly cousin chemicals. I have learned to raise my eyebrows at products that claim to be "natural" because they aren't. They are almost all made of nasty nasty chemicals with some veggies and fruits thrown in to support the claim of natural. None of the companies whose names we are all familiar with make a ppd-free product. Not Clairol, Revlon, Matrix, redken. L'Oreal, Wella - none. Basically, if a woman or man wants to use permanent or semi-permanent hair color - he or she is at risk. These allergies happen slowly over a long time. They are easy to ignore...until you can't anymore.

On the upside I have joined many online communities of sufferers. We eagerly try out products and share results. These are men and women from all over the world united by one messed up coal tar derivative that was invented in the late 1930's. I have ordered two boxes of the last products available to try - both are from Europe...both are expensive. I am not quite ready to roll over and dye, not yet...but even after scanning their ingredients, I will do double patch tests and if those look good, my stylist and I will approach the process with trepidation. I'm going to get an Epi-pen, just in case.

For me - the most awful part (other than the threat of anaphylactic shock)is trying to imagine me with gray hair. I have temporarily allowed my stylist to put in lots of blonde highlights (bleach and foils only). Highlights help hide the gray until the roots are about 2 inches - and then there is no mistaking what is happening. It beats having a skunk line down the middle of my head, I guess. Sadly, bleach doesn't seem to change the gray at all. After that, who knows? A wig? It takes 2 years to grow out the gray...And then what? Every morning will I avoid the mirror? Will I be able to accept looking my age? Being ignored or irrelevant? Don't laugh. You could be next.

I haven't found the inner chutzpah to join the women who have decided that gray is cool or have written books about loving the gray. Not there yet. I am astonished at how much this is bothering me. Man, am I shallow!!!

Under consideration, at the moment, is contacting the husband of presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann. If he can help people pray the gay away - maybe he can help pray the gray away. Do you think they'd accept a card-carrying Liberal at that clinic?