No MORE Success Stories Please

So - I received the March 2009 issue of MORE magazine. If you aren't a regular reader or if you haven't leafed through a copy in the Doctor's office (oh wait - those magazines are ten years old...sorry) let me explain that this magazine is targeted to women over forty. It's hip, trendy and features a lot of lovely, real women (and some famous women) wearing age appropriate clothing and doing age appropriate things. This is the only magazine I know of for midlife women. (The AARP magazine doesn't count).

MORE devotes pages of every issue to women who have successfully reinvented themselves. If, like me, you are in the process of a life makeover, these features can inspire you. They can also be downright discouraging. Now I fully understand that no one wants to read about women who try and fail. But constant exposure to unmitigated success stories is depressing - especially if your story isn't quite as inspirational or noteworthy.

In the March issue we meet four "risk-taking" women who shed the vestiges of their former lives and careers, tried something new and different, and made tons of money. We are introduced to a woman who went from flight attendant to entrepreneur, another who segued from musician to CEO, an executive secretary who became a publicist, and a psychotherapist (hey wait, that's what I wanted to do!!!) to a successful real estate broker (kind of hard to imagine that in this economy).

Rather than be irritated by these Cinderella stories, this month I decided to read them for hints, clues, insight into what I'm failing to do. So I sifted through each case history, keeping in mind my own shortcomings and looking for story elements I could relate to.

As i see it, one of my problems is my lack of a clear cut vision or dream. Some days I still want to complete my hours and get my therapist license. Some days I think that I should start my own business (but I have no idea what that would be). Other days I think I should forgo earning any money and throw myself into meaningful volunteerism. In other words - I still do not know what I want (which is probably why I don't have it). With this in mind, I focused on the dreams or visions these women had.

Amazingly enough the woman who transitioned from flight attendant to entrepreneur didn't really have a vision or a particular goal. (Okay, I could relate to this) But she did have a dream - literally - she went to bed one night and dreamed about a key chain (I personally would rather dream about Antonio Banderas). She got up the next morning and made a "rough model" of it. She conjured up a clever name, had a prototype made and set out to sell it to distributors. No one wanted to buy it because she wasn't part of a larger company. Undaunted, she enlisted her friends to help her sell the key chains. She lived and breathed these gizmos. Over a short few years, in spite of the economy, her little company was selling key chains and other small gift items and was grossing millions of dollars.

What insight did I get from reading this story? I realized that I would probably have stopped once the gift distributors turned me down. Heck, I probably wouldn't have had the guts to go out and see the distributors.(I'm ashamed to admit this but I hate rejection.) I doubt that I would have asked my friends to help me because I rarely ask for help. This is discouraging insight.

In the second case history we are introduced to a music teacher who made very little money. In order to get by financially she spent a lot of time clipping coupons and combing the newspaper for sales and other bargains. While these bargain hunting steps were necessary they were boring and time consuming. Then it hit her - her "aha" moment - what if she could make money doing this for other people?! She did her research, found an inexpensive web hosting service, stayed up all night for weeks building her website (with help from web techs), bought a business license and took out an ad in the local paper. Today she runs a highly successful online business, sells franchises and makes millions.

My thoughts? Over the past years there have been several wonderful ( at least I think so) ideas that have popped into my head that would make great, fun, businesses. But once I get a great idea it just lays there like an unpopped corn kernel. Hard, yellow and of minimal use. I freeze. I can talk myself out of anything (and I do). My follow through fizzles. I am stuck. The problem as I see it: I have always had a mentor. Someone who coaxed and coached. Mentors are plentiful when you are under forty...not so plentiful after that. I've been a mentor but I also believe I need one. I think I'm still waiting for the White Knight to rescue me...but this time it's gonna be a long long long wait...(and then you die).

The other two stories are similar. One woman (the secretary) had an obsession with news and current events. Over time she noticed a connection between the day's news and what her bosses were working on. From there she figured out how to get them some attention for their efforts. Her inner PR person emerged. Making the most of her newly uncovered skill she was able to find a PR job in a small firm. From there it was all good. Today she is rich, independent and happy. The psychotherapist was burning out (a professional hazard) and getting divorced. She bought an apartment for herself and her family, renovated it and later sold it at a profit. Voila!
She bought more and sold more AND she was able to use her abilities as a therapist to "read" potential buyers and sellers. She became a broker, joined a highly successful firm and makes eight times what she used to make.

I'm certain that the editors at MORE feature these stories to fire us up and get us moving towards our dreams and goals. But I'm not feeling it. Instead I am becoming increasingly aware that my fire needs stoking. Nothing is burning. I'm not hot (well, not in a driven way). All of these women had three things I do not recognize in myself:
1. Passion
2. Focus
3. Confidence

I have lost my confidence, don't feel passionate about much and cannot seem to stay focused on anything. Hmmm. What does this mean...? Beats me.

When I finish this entry, I am going to spend some time looking back on my life. I need to identify those "spark" moments. The ones where I became so engrossed and involved in something that time didn't matter. What do I love to do? What makes me feel peaceful or happy or wild? What's keeping me from moving forward and why do I let that happen?

In six days my temporary professional counseling license will expire. I have not renewed it because I cannot imagine being able to find a counseling job this week. Inertia kills. My willingness to give up (albeit after trying really hard) speaks volumes to me.
But, it will be one less thing I will have to feel badly about. After this Saturday my counseling career will no longer be an issue. I'm sure I will find some other issues. I'm good at that.